The World's Youngest Teenagers!

Although I know in my brain that Orion is 3 years old and Gigi is 5, I still feel like I'm raising the world's youngest teenagers.

(Yaaaaay....)

Here's the latest from the peanut gallery.

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Orion: When I turn 4, I'm going to do whatever I want to do.

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During a moment of intense frustration at Marcos and me...

Gigi: You... FOOLS!!!!

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Gigi: (mumbles something inaudible)
Me: What was that?
Gigi: Nevermind.  What I said wasn't true.  I'm glad you didn't hear me.
Me: ...Okay...

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At bath time when we reminded him not to do something dangerous...

Orion: It's my choice!  You can't control me!

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Having a mommy daughter heart to heart about priorities and decisions that adults have to make...

Gigi: I want a nice house when I grow up and I want to keep it really clean and I want to make nice food and never eat...  What are those things we had on the airplane?  (This is half a year after our trip)
Metta: Uhhh... lunchables?
Gigi: Yes, lunchables!

***

Orion: Mom!  I'm going to be the new John Lennon in the Beatles!

Welcome Baby Luca!

Three weeks ago, on January 17th, our baby Luca was born!  Since both Gigi and Orion arrived more than a week after their due dates, imagine our surprise when exactly on Luca's due date (January 16th) I started to have contractions at a party we attended that afternoon.  Earlier that morning I had attended a Waldorf Education Day at Gigi's school and sat in on a "3rd Grade sampler".  The teacher had us run and skip around in a big circle to learn the 3x multiplication tables just as the kids do.  When he added that I could tone it down to whatever level I thought would be appropriate, I joked that if skipping around would get labor started, I'd try it!  And who knows, maybe that is what got things started...

That afternoon after we returned home from the party, we continued our evening as planned - movie night at our friend's home.  My mom came over to watch the kids at our place, and Marcos and I went to watch The Martian with our close friends Amber and TJ.  My contractions had been regular (though infrequent) for a few hours, and so during the movie I had Marcos download an app on his phone that allowed me to track the frequency and duration of the contractions, and then rate how strong I felt they were.  By the end of the movie my contractions were coming every six or seven minutes, but I was still rating them mainly "mild" and I knew that I was still in very early labor.  Since Amber was a wicked brilliant nurse in a past chapter of life and TJ is a urogynecology Fellow at UNC, we joked that if I was going to labor at any friend's home, I had done a really good job choosing theirs!

After the movie we returned home late, and asked my mom to stay the night with us just in case I ended up having to leave with Marcos in the middle of the night.  Sure enough, by 2am I felt like things were really progressing, and I woke Marcos and we drove to the hospital.  Unfortunately, on the car ride over I experienced exactly zero contractions, and since in my history that car ride has traditionally been one of the worst car rides of my life, I knew that labor had stalled out a little and that it wasn't even worth checking in to triage.  We turned around, drove home and went back to bed.

By 4am I had been sleep-contracting for enough hours that I was thoroughly exhausted and so very, very ready for the epidural I had been dreaming about.  Before I had kids I imagined that I would do birthing very naturally, but with both Gigi and Orion I had asked for an epidural along the way.  After two rounds of back labor and so many hours of missed sleep, the epidurals had brought such rest that this time I embraced the idea and made it part of my birth plan: show up at the hospital, request an epidural, sleep and rest, and then put all of my good energy into birthing baby boy when I was dilated and ready to go.  

And that's more or less how it went.  We arrived at the quiet hospital at 4am, and by 5am I was checked in and had my epidural (I was the only one laboring on the floor at that time - miracle!).  From then until mid-morning I was able to sleep peacefully, with Marcos sprawled across the couch in my room.  We awoke to an absolutely beautiful sight of a sky full of snow flurries outside of our huge 4th floor window - the first snow of the season!  My feeling that morning was of perfect peace - the silent white sky, the joyful anticipation of meeting my son that day, the restful feeling that had been afforded by the epidural, and the time Marcos and I had to connect meaningfully with our midwife Shannon Keller and our wonderful nurse Michele (to the right and left of me, below).

Unfortunately, the epidural that allowed me to rest and conserve energy also ended up stalling labor.  When I awoke from my morning rest my contractions were virtually non-existent, and after an unsuccessful attempt to jumpstart my labor by having Shannon break my waters, we ended up putting pitocin into my IV and that really got things going.  On the monitor, the contractions started to pick back up into perfectly regular mountains.  By early afternoon, I started to feel like the epidural was wearing off, as the pressure of baby's head started to descend and prepare to exit the birth canal.  I had forgotten how intense that pressure is, and started to feel robbed of my plan to have a peaceful delivery!  By 3pm Marcos was coaching me through incredibly intense contractions, and I was fully dilated.  The pressure did not abate because baby boy was in place and ready to go!

I have to say that in my opinion, the one part of labor and delivery that I really excel at is pushing out the baby.  With Gigi, I pushed for 25 minutes and felt like a real champion for getting her out so quickly after a good day and a half of being in labor.  With Orion, it took 5 minutes for me to push him out.  So, I was a little cocky and had told the midwife and nurse that I was good at pushing out babies, but I had spoken too soon: with Luca, the pushing felt like an eternity.  I remember feeling like I was zooming away from earth into a black expanse with stars, as I squeezed my eyes shut and gave it my all through the contractions.  At one point I gave up, and told everyone that I couldn't do it, but there were too many experienced women in that room and they all encouraged me to keep going.  Once his head was out, I knew that I could do the rest, and with one final push our son was born!  

I was fairly certain that I had pushed for a long time, but when I asked, the nurse said that I had started pushing at 3:00pm and he was born at 3:08pm - 8 minutes!  I felt so incredibly proud that I had birthed our son, and especially because he surprised us all by being so big.  For the first hour or two after he was born he snuggled naked on my chest and slept cuddled under blankets, but when they weighed him and cleaned him up, we confirmed that he was a big guy.  We all made guesses but he beat them all - 9 pounds 4 ounces, and 22 inches!  Wow!  I felt so thankful to have had a talented midwife who helped me to birth a 9+ pound baby in 8 minutes, and without any tearing at all.  Go team Prieto!           

My mom was so helpful and stayed with the big kids so that Marcos and I could enjoy a relaxing two days in the hospital.  Tutu brought Gigi and Orion each day for a few hours and we ate sushi together, enjoyed the pampering from the nurses who loved the big kids and brought them gifts, and visited the pantry on the floor for small cups of chocolate ice cream and Italian ices.  Gigi and Orion LOVED meeting their baby brother, and were extremely sweet and gentle with him.  When Orion visited, if I got up to go to the bathroom he insisted on holding my hand while I walked, "In case you fall, mama".  Gigi took off my hospital socks and gave me foot rubs every chance she had.

And then it was time to pack up and go home.  It was bittersweet leaving the hospital and all of the help that was available at the press of a button.  As I was being wheeled down to Marcos and our waiting car I thought about when I had left the hospital with Giovanna as a brand new mom, and remembered very keenly the fear and overwhelm that I had felt.  The first time I took that ride down to the car there were tears running down my face, and this time I was confident and peaceful.  Amazing what power comes from experience.  Welcome to our family, little Luca Armand!

These photos were taken maybe a week or so after Luca was born.  I was mainly trying to capture my favorite little part of his body, which is that tiny spiral cowlick on his forehead.  That, and to expose him to a very warm sunny morning, in the hopes that it might help his jaundice.

To answer a few questions we hear often...

Q: Where did you get the name Luca Armand?

A: Many years ago my sister friend Lindsay and her mom Carol went to Europe on a grand tour, and in Italy their tour guide was named Luca.  They came back talking about their handsome Italian tour guide "Luca", and the name has been bouncing around in my head ever since.  It was on our list of possible boy names, but it wasn't at the top (Emerson and Achilles were our top choices for a long time), but when he was born it just seemed to fit best.  We are not sure where the name Armand came from.  We may have come across it when we were looking through lists of names online, but perhaps it just jumped into our heads at some point.  In any case, we just feel like there is something royal about it.

Q: Is he a good eater?

A: The first day of his life, Luca did not have any interest in eating.  The nurses said that sometimes when babies are born quickly they don't get all of the amniotic fluid squeezed out of them and so therefore their tummies are still somewhat full and they might not feel hungry.  The first night of his life I don't think he woke up once!  But as his system cleared out his appetite emerged and he has been a great eater ever since.  About one week to ten days into his life, breastfeeding was killer, but now we are on the other side of that hump and I am healing and we are both doing well.  The pediatrician is very happy with him because at one week he was over his birth weight, and at two weeks he was already 10 pounds.  

Q: Is he a good sleeper?

A: So far, so good.  He eats about every four hours through the night, which isn't bad at all for a newborn.  During the day he eats every three to four hours, and sleeps most of the time.  I have had a few friends say that big babies are better sleepers and so far that seems accurate for Luca!

Q: How is the transition to three kids?

A: My answer is always, "Ask me when Marcos goes back to work!".  Marcos is on his fourth week of paid paternity leave, and it is not wasted on us that we are incredibly lucky.  Now that I am getting around more I have plenty to do, but having Marcos get up with the big kiddos, make lunches, and do all of the driving to and from school, coop preschool, etc. etc. has been incredibly helpful.  The first few days were rough as Marcos and I adjusted to being around each other so many hours every day, but we've really grown to enjoy this quality time together with the big kiddos and with Luca.  Marcos has been extremely supportive and I am really thankful for him.

Cookie Stand

Back in September, Gigi and our neighbor Michael finally had their big opportunity to live out their dream of running a joint venture.  Tutu was helping to organize a yard sale, and although there was already another kid lined up to do a lemonade stand, we decided to jump on board with a cookie stand so that the kids could experience a little piece of running a business together.

First up was cleaning the stand.  Michael's dad James had painted a cute stand yellow and blue but it was filthy so we put the kids to work.  

And then after baking and cleaning up the stand, the big day rolled around.  Michael and Gigi wrote the name of their bakery on the chalkboard on the front of the stand, and opened shop.  Unfortunately, business was slow and they found that running a joint venture was more complicated than they thought it would be.  Within the first hour, the partners were split and mad at each other, and Michael wanted to go home.  It was awesome teaching Gigi about welcoming customers and how to do sales though!

Oh well, first time for everything!

Gigi and the ITP Episode

At the beginning of September some weird things started happening to Gigi's body - a bloody nose that wouldn't heal, big dark bruises that we couldn't explain, tiny reddish dots on her legs, and finally, sores in her mouth when I went in one night to brush her teeth.  And that was when it all came together for me - these symptoms weren't separate from one another, they were all related, and I realized that the inside of her body was bleeding.

After putting the kids to bed, I went straight to the computer and typed out her symptoms in a google search bar.  This can be a dangerous idea because being an internet MD has the power to make you certifiably crazy, but I actually found exactly what I needed, immediately.  Something called ITP ("Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura"), or... leukemia.  Fortunately, after climbing the mountain of fear, I was able to rule out leukemia because kids with cancer are extremely sick, pale and listless and in contrast, my Gigi was still bouncing off the walls.  So, it looked like the culprit was ITP.  ITP is an autoimmune disease that occurs when some type of virus goes through the body and offsets the immune system, causing it to identify platelets as enemies and then destroy them.  Luckily, the prognosis for kids is fairly good - although it can be dangerous, many kids heal without any intervention and the immune system is able to reset all on its own.  

So the following morning I made an appointment at our pediatrician's office, and then I went off to lead the Parent Organization meeting that had been planned weeks before.  Marcos took Gigi to the doctor's office and when I arrived, Dr. Goldbach had just finished making his diagnosis - it looked like ITP.  I actually was glad that Marcos was there for most of the appointment without me because he's better at stroking the male ego - he just listened patiently to Dr. Goldbach describe the symptoms and then quietly beat him to the punch - "So, you think it looks like ITP....?"  Dr. Goldbach laughed and asked, "Have you been doing your research?"  Marcos responded, "Metta has".  Good man.

After they took Gigi's blood at the pediatric office so that they could look at it under a microscope, we went out for milkshakes as a family and then headed home for a quiet afternoon.  Marcos was feeling under the weather himself, and it was relieving to have him home from work for a few days.
A few minutes into my rare afternoon nap, the phone rang and it was Dr. Goldbach.  He said that Gigi's platelet count was 5,000 and that we needed to head to the Emergency Room at UNC hospitals, where they would be expecting us.  A healthy person has a platelet count of 150,000 to 440,000 and our daughter had 5,000 with sores already in her mouth.  Since bleeding in the brain is the worst thing that could happen in this case, and she already had open sores, there was no other option but to take her in immediately to be treated.

After some rather dull hours in the Emergency Room, where I retold our story multiple times at differing levels of detail to every health care provider who came in, we were transported to our room in the Children's Hospital.  Gigi's blood had been drawn again in the ER, to confirm her platelet levels, and the result was 8,000 - definitely low enough that she needed treatment.  The treatment was called IVIG and it's basically the antibodies of thousands of healthy plasma donors.  For whatever reason, it helps to kick the immune system back into normal mode and it will often do the trick permanently, without any need for further treatment or thought about ITP.  Gigi was in good spirits in the hospital once we got to the children's floor - there was a play area, access to TV, and there was a pantry full of juice, cereals, Italian Ice and ice cream.  Walking around the floor to explore made it very clear that we were in the hospital with a jackpot emergency health crisis - although Gigi needed to be there for treatment, she was literally skipping down the halls, while very sick children lay still in their beds in the rooms we passed along the way.  We were really thankful that we weren't there for something worse.

That night we ate sushi for dinner, and Gigi received a very slow drip of the IGIV through an IV in her hand all through the night.  Marcos insisted on staying with her so that I could sleep in our comfortable bed, and I went back in the morning after a good night's rest at home.  Gigi had slept comfortably all night long, and was in good spirits, although she was mortified by having to pee in the "hat" catch in the toilet, so that the nurses could measure her output.  Around noon we were given the okay and were discharged from the hospital.  All in all, not a shabby experience.  I was slightly frustrated by the seeming lack of communication among the doctors and nurses - they all had different things to say about when we could leave, for example - but when I texted my friend Amber about my frustration, she told me to ask for the Attending Doctor if I wanted clear answers.  She spent many years as a nurse and I was grateful for the tip.  I hated to "I want to talk to your manager" the place, but when I asked for the Attending to come speak with us, he is the one who really gave us our answers.

The week after Gigi's treatment we went back to the Pediatric Hematology clinic at the Cancer Hospital (again, seeing the other kids there made me very thankful that Gigi was so healthy) and her blood was drawn again to see the treatment had made a lasting change.  From a platelet count of 5,000 one week before, she was up to 337,000 - well within the range of normal, and it was such a miracle!  I had seen her symptoms clearing over the past week and was hopeful that her platelets were back in action, but the confirmation was so relieving.  She was back on track!

So, now what?  I have been watching her body in case the platelets improved for a time but not permanently, but we are at the point where we are now in the clear.  It is very possible that we will never have to deal with this again.  We are thankful for competent health care and for this darling girl Gigi in our lives!

It's a Boy! The Gender Reveal Party

Back in August, Marcos and I went in for the 18-week ultrasound appointment to look at our baby's anatomy and discover whether we were having a boy or girl.  When Marcos' friend and coworker Jamie found out that we were going to find out our baby's gender, she insisted on throwing us a small Gender Reveal Party at the Carolina Alehouse after work on the day following the ultrasound appointment.  She and Jeremy, Marcos' really close friend at work, are dating, and they stayed up late the night before creating a truly amazing gender reveal cake.  Since this is our third child and we already have a boy and a girl, we didn't expect anything special for this little one, and so we were tickled that they were so into the idea of a little gathering for baby #3!

Above are Jeremy and Jamie and their masterpiece.  Below is the true reason that Marcos' coworkers choose the Carolina Alehouse after work for drinks and get-togethers - the foosball table.  Yes, it's kind of a thing and there is a lot of talking smack around this "sport".  Hey, for some guys it's football, and for a bunch of computer nerds, it's... you know, foosball.  Below, Jeremy and Brantley take the game very seriously as Orion and Gigi learn from the big guys.

And then for the moment of truth.  The party was mainly for Gigi and Orion, who didn't know what we were having - we cut open the cake and inside it was....  blue!  A boy!  Blue cake and in the middle, a carved out cave stuffed with blue m&ms.  And then Gigi did the most horrifying thing - she immediately stuck her hand into the cake to grab fistfulls of the candy!  At the time I was mortified, but recently a friend was telling me about how she made a similar cake at her son's birthday party, and when the first slice was taken out two kids at the birthday party did the exact same thing.  So maybe it's a primordial kid reaction to finding themselves in front of a cake filled with m&ms...

It was so incredibly thoughtful of Jamie and Jeremy to throw us a little party in honor of our baby.  Not everyone who came made it into these photos that I included, but it was a nice group of Marcos' close friends.  Always a joy to hang out with these quality people!

Summer of the Tired Mom

I wrote this over a month ago, and am just publishing it now.  This was a loooong summer for me.

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This is a gross generalization, but I feel like I've talked to enough people recently to have a loose theory that parents of young children generally do not love summer vacation, and parents of older kids really do.

Well, I have young children, and I definitely do not love summer vacation.  I decided last spring that 5 years old was really young to farm Gigi out to summer camps.  Plus, we're paying for a private school tuition which includes a payment through the summer months, so the idea of paying even more for expensive camps was painful.  However, a few weeks into the summer break I was wishing that I had at least lined up a few weeks of camp.  Now I know better, and already have my plans in the works for next year.

You see, I have a 5 year old, and a 2.5 year old, and for some reason it didn't occur to me that they would fight.  All the time.  And it started approximately when my energy fell apart and disappeared, which was basically all summer until recently.  I'm 19 weeks pregnant, which meant that I was right in the middle of an exhausting first trimester when school let out and suddenly there was a need for sibling mediation approximately 400 times per day.  Gigi and Orion love each other fiercely, but they are siblings and now how to irritate each other like nobody's business.

And then recently I've been feeling better, and we've gotten into a groove that really works.  Right before school starts again, of course.  My main strategy is to have somewhere to go every morning of the week.  Park day?  Play date?  Exercise and Pool time at Tutu's house?  Gardening at our community garden?  Story time at the library?  Sure!  Just get. us. out. of. the. house...

Book Club

Someone was telling me last week that there is a new study out suggesting that being a Stay At Home Mom is the most stressful job there is - at least in part because it is the only job you don't really have the option of quitting.

So, as one of those Stay At Home Moms, there are things I do with my own time to counter the beautiful chaos that is raising children, and to feed my soul.  For the last year I have been moving my body, I socialize, I make things, I write, and lately, I have become an Audiobook Queen.  With moderation, audiobooks are the most wonderful invention in the world.  The physical pain of running and the tedium of washing dishes and cleaning a house are made sweet by the experience of listening to good literature as I work.

But literature + socializing may be the very best way to enjoy good writing.  Years ago I joined a book club with friends who are sometimes very alike, and sometimes very different than myself, and since we rotate assigning books each month, we have read things we might not have reached for on our own.  This month my friend Chelsea assigned "The School of Essential Ingredients" and, inspired by the book's story of a cooking school, she planned a night for us to cook and eat together, which we did, happily, until midnight.  Do you know the last time I had a meal that took three hours to get through, simply because I ate slowly, and conversed with friends, and savored the work and art of my hands?  All of us are moms and loved the pace of our meal together, so different from our day to day lives.

At the end of the night not one piece of Chelsea's grandmother's china had been broken, although a piece of stemware had toppled over (unhurt) when a sentence was punctuated with a wild gesticulation.  The book we discussed was about the power of food and senses, and the way that cooking together can create warmth and community, and as I drove away that night, I felt like we had achieved just that - such warmth and community.  In my life there are a few things that make me feel very rich, and these kind of evenings are richness of the best variety.

Raising Our Kids - File Number Two

This post is the second in a series of posts I am writing about parenting strategies a la Metta and Marcos.  Some may make you think that we're crazy, but this is what we identify as being US.  

• Sticking with it when introducing something new.  When life goes according to plan, I like to introduce important things when I have the energy and time to be thorough and teach them well.  There are many examples with weightier implications, but water color paints always come to mind when I think of this.  When we first gave Gigi water color paints it was important to me that she learned how to rinse her brush between colors, and apply pure colors to the paper, rather than painting with the muddy hues that would result from simply giving her the paints and walking away.  It took time and it was tedious to have to remind her to rinse her brush between colors, but once it became part of her muscle memory for painting, I phased out my prompts and have not directed her painting since.  Sometimes new learning requires undivided attention and time (two things that are hard to come by in my home) but I find that if we teach well at the beginning, in the end we spend way less time and energy fixing things that were not taught nor learned well.
• Articulating feelings, giving them words.  Most kiddos are familiar with the emotions of happy, mad and sad, but life starts to take on other emotional nuances fairly early on.  So we have made a point to label emotions so that Gigi and Orion can learn to articulate what they are feeling.  The way it looks in our home is: "Oh Buddy, you look frustrated!" or "You seem really disappointed that Michael is not available to play with you" or "Were you feeling nervous around that big dog?"  It seems like emotional intelligence learned while young pays dividends in later relationships - with others and with ourselves.
• Actively ignoring.  This is something I have brought with me from my time as a graduate student in Social Work.  Active ignoring is the conscientious decision to help a behavior to disappear by withdrawing attention from it.  Harmful or destructive behaviors are not what I'm talking about, but rather, things that are simply annoying.  Behaviors like screeching and licking have had fleeting moments of glory in our home, but because we have intentionally turned our backs and put attention into something new that distracted the screecher/licker's attention away from the behavior without ever having rewarded it, the behavior phased out pretty quickly.  It is SO hard to actively ignore behaviors that drive us crazy, but since both positive and negative attention can encourage bad behavior to continue, we have had better luck by turning our backs consistently until the phase passes.  
• Talking Empathetically.  Gigi and I often have discussions about how our behavior and words impact other people and how they feel when we treat them certain ways.  Gigi is not wired to care yet about other people's feelings too much, but with some prompting she is able to imagine standing in another person's shoes so that she can feel how they might feel.  And then she gets it.  We talk about how kids feel when we say "go away!" or "I don't like you!" or " you are stupid!", and so she just doesn't say those things.
• Turning away when I don't have the energy to follow through.  Sometimes I am just at my wits end, and I know I don't have the energy to intervene yet one more time when something obnoxious is going on.  So, I have noticed that sometimes I intentionally turn away from naughty behavior or walk into the next room, so that I can pretend it doesn't exist.  This is not parenting at its finest, but I feel ultimately that telling Gigi or Orion to stop a behavior or making a threat if the behavior doesn't change - and then not having the energy to follow through - is much more detrimental than simply ignoring it.  As a mom my most powerful tool is my example, but my second most powerful tool is my word, and if my kids learn that my word is not backed up with the force of my action, then we are all in trouble.

School Girl

In Prieto news, we've been in the process of seeing if Gigi (who just turned 4) will be able to start at the local Waldorf School this fall.  This week we went to a reception for new parents at the school and although I'm very solidly NOT a weepy person, being there touched on something deep and I found myself brimming with tears at the 7th grade quartet playing gorgeous music in the background, the students who were there serving as ushers, the art on the walls, the depth, kindness and insight of the other parents at the school.  As a child I probably took a lot of my growing up in a Waldorf School for granted, but now as a parent I feel so awed to think that perhaps I will be able to provide THIS for my own child.  THIS music, THIS art, THIS community, education and worldview.

And then today it was confirmed that we can't afford to send her next year.  We were so, so disappointed.  We wrote an email to the administrator thanking him for his help and told him that we would try to enroll Gigi again next year.

And then we received an email back from him, not an hour later.  It said that the Financial Aid committee members just happened to be there when he received our email and they would be happy to accept what we had put forward as our doable amount this year.  Marcos read the email out loud and we all yelped and hollered, and it scared Gigi and she cried!

So we are full of excitement, and so much gratitude.  With two years of coop preschool that we have loved so much, I feel like I have given Gigi what I can, and it's time for her to be in a school setting.  Financially this will be a real stretch for us, but I have been so touched that although Marcos has never spent a day as a Waldorf student, he is so fully on board with this idea of providing a Waldorf education to our children, at the expense of other things that are also important to us.

There is a lot of gratitude in our home tonight.

Raising our Kids - File Number One

The post is the first of a series of posts I am writing about parenting - specifically, what Marcos and I do with our kids.  I am very self-conscious about putting this out into the world - not because I feel shy about our techniques, but because it could easily be seen as a bit of self-glorification and that is not the spirit in which it was written.  We simply received the question one day of "what do you do with your kids", which got us thinking "hmm, what DO we do with our kids?", which turned into a bullet list we brainstormed during a road trip, which turned into feelings of complete overwhelm as I realized how long the bullet list was, and then it turned into this.  I thought to flesh out our bullet list in a private letter to the asker of this question, and then figured that since I'm taking time to write, I might as well put it in our blog so that I will always have these thoughts in our family history.

And then, of course, if our kids feel traumatized in later life they can look back and see where we went wrong, and know how to be wiser than we have been.  But so far so good... right?

So, these are a few things we feel are essential parts of our parenting.  Parenting in the style of Metta and Marcos Prieto.  

• Teaching about the world.  Even as far back as high school, I was always impressed with parents who answered their kid's questions thoughtfully and thoroughly.  We have tried to do that for Gigi as she has become a sentient, curious little human being, and I love her hunger for information.  She is constantly asking me why things are the way they are, and how to make things ("mom, how do you make cheese?"), and she asks me to define words she isn't familiar with.  It can be obnoxious at times to hear why, why, why, but I try to remind myself that her curiosity is what will give her the information she needs in order to one day RULE THE WORLD.  Or whatever path she chooses to pursue, of course...  I also recently came across an article that has helped me to differentiate my approach: in the past, whenever Gigi asked questions to which I did not know the answer, my response was, "let's go look it up online".  I wanted to provide her with an immediate, solid answer.  However, in my recent readings I was reminded that not all questions need a concrete response, and that encouraging a child to use their imagination to come to different possible answers to their questions can be very beneficial.  We want our children to become problem-solving, innovative, creative adults, so letting them spend time in their imaginary world is sometimes a good alternative to rushing to the internet.
• Using complex vocabulary.  I figure the best way for our kids to have a good handle on our native tongue is to hear a wide range of words used in context as they are growing up, and so we have not made our language overly child-friendly through the years that our children are learning to speak and communicate.  There are probably occasional miscommunications, and often Gigi asks us to define words she does not understand, but the result is that she has a good vocabulary and some ideas about interesting concepts.
• Media. Marcos grew up in a world of TV and video games, and I grew up in a world with limited access to media, and we're constantly navigating a middle ground for our own kiddos, especially Gigi who is at a perfect age to be enamored with characters and movies.  My general approach to TV and movies is that most of what we would expose our kids to is not inherently terrible, but a lot of it comes down to opportunity cost: what am I NOT exposing my kids to, because they are watching a show, or are on a tablet? If my kids are engaging with media, they are NOT outside exploring nature or running around, they are not looking at books, doing crafts or coloring, building with toys, nor using their imagination to create. That is not to say that we don't ever do shows, but in general I am guarded about the type of shows Gigi watches, and how much time she spends staring at a screen. 
• Reading Books. We have entered into a phase where going to the library is really difficult, and not very fun, because Orion wants to run around and pull books off of the shelves.  However, we try to go once every week or two so that we have a large supply of new books to read with the kiddos.  It is just worth it, to see Gigi hungrily flipping through the pages of each book when we get home, and choose her favorites every night at bed time. There is a lot of terrible children's literature out there, and I feel like half of my time at the library is spent weeding out the junk, but it's worth the hassle: literacy is crucial, and sometimes a good thoughtful storyline can impart a message much better than I can with my lectures.
• Coaching through Social Interactions.  It can be incredibly tiring to intervene and coach our kids through social interactions, but being able to release them into the world with kindness, assertion, gratitude, honesty and friendliness is well worth it in the end.  When I hear Gigi independently thank her friends for coming to play, or ask politely for people to take off their shoes when they come over to visit, or navigate through a tough social situation, or dictate to me the message of thanks she wants me to write down in a card for a friend's gift, my heart is so warmed.  We still have a lot of work to do, but Gigi is becoming old enough that our "politeness prompts" are fading out, and her own social voice is becoming stronger.  Recently, I noticed that when we were at a playdate Gigi often took a back seat to her friend's directives about what they were going to do together, what role Gigi was going to play, etc.  So in a quiet moment with her the next day I mentioned my observations, and Gigi expressed that she wasn't sure what to do or say, but that she DID want a turn to choose the activity when she played with this friend.  Together Gigi and I came up with a number of things Gigi could say to assert herself, we practiced them that day, and we practiced them again as we drove to this friend's home the following week.  During their play time I listened in, and heard her repeat the words she had carefully rehearsed.  She was awesome, and I was so proud!  She and her friend still struggle sometimes for control of their shared time, but I am so happy that Gigi is learning to be assertive and negotiate tricky social situations.  I know that there is an argument for backing off entirely and letting kids figure out the world on their own, but our style is more of a coached-socialization model, for at least these first few years, to plant our kid's feet on a solid foundation from which they can blossom into whom they will.  

(Not So) Subliminal Messages

Lately, Gigi has taken to illustrating her feelings when she feels hurt or angry at me.  Today she got into trouble and I put her in time out for four minutes, and when her time was up we talked about her behavior and she stalked off.  When she returned, she handed me this drawing.

This is me (on the right), sticking my tongue out at Gigi (on the left), who is crying.  Above is a heart, crossed out, and "xox" which is also crossed out.  NO LOVE.

I kind of like her way of communicating, but sheesh, four years old can feel really melodramatic sometimes...

Preschool

We are coming up on the final few weeks of coop preschool and my heart is already starting to mourn its end.  This has been our second year doing coop preschool with our friends, and it has been such an awesome thing for us in this chapter of our lives.  Every four weeks I get to hang out with Gigi and her buddies Ezra, Tyler and Lily on a Tuesday and a Thursday morning, and through teaching them and watching them play and interact, I have seen the kiddos grow so much this year.  They are more emotionally level, their bodies are settling, and they engage in our lessons with curiosity and eagerness to learn.  

On St. Patrick's Day we had a party, which is our tradition for pretty much every holiday that passes.  I was hosting preschool that week, so we partied at our house, and it was one of my favorite preschool days this year.  Each time we do a party all of us moms prepare something special and stay at the party to lead our part so that the entertainment doesn't all fall to one person.  During circle time I taught the kids about the history of St. Patrick's Day, traditions in Ireland, and the symbolism of the shamrock, and we read a few stories I found at the library.  Then the kids followed clues around our house on a treasure hunt which was planted by "Lucky the Leprechaun" (me), and there was a pot of gold (Rolos) at the end of the rainbow.  Then for fun I did a science experiment: the baking powder and vinegar volcano experiment, with green lava instead of red.  It was momentous.  Then for snacks I pulled out a lot of healthy foods, and Ezra's mom Guenieve had made the most beautiful shamrock cookies iced to perfection with green royal icing.  After snack, Lily's dad Nathan brought out the craft supplies and the kids designed a shamrock by gluing little balls of crumpled crepe paper onto their cut outs.  And finally, Tyler's mom Kim took us into the living room and showed us a clip of Riverdance and we all got sweaty trying our hand at hopping and kicking like Irish dancers.

And now it is time to plan for next fall, and I'm not sure what direction we will go in, with Gigi and her schooling.  We always told ourselves that the year before Kindergarten would be the year we bite the bullet and pay to have Gigi go to a "real" preschool and get used to having a real teacher, the routine of a school day and the benefits of a whole room full of socialization, but now that option is not as clear as we would have hoped.  The primary hang up (and blessing) is that with Marcos having found a job that does not require us to move away from this area, we have access to the Emerson Waldorf School which is a mere 15 minutes away.  Having grown up in the Honolulu Waldorf School and loved every second of being there, I have always hoped to provide that kind of education to my own children.  We would LOVE for Gigi to start at the Emerson Waldorf School next year, but she is currently on the waiting list, and even if she gets in, we think it might be prudent to find a good alternative and save up for a year before jumping in to a private school tuition.  So, we have a big decision to make!

But whichever way the tides take us in that decision, we will definitely miss our coop preschool.  It is definitely a highlight of my week to drop Gigi off at a friends house, knowing that she will have a fun time, learn a few things, try out new skills and play with her friends.  We have really lucked out to have this small group of dedicated moms in our lives, and we hold them dear for the love they have given our daughter!

Lovely Son

Here is our little son, Orion.  At about 16 months he is starting to really come into his own personality, and we are (mostly) enjoying watching him blossom as a little boy instead of a baby.  With his increasing ability to communicate his needs and wishes has come a strong sense of preference, and with it, much satisfaction and of course, much frustration (we are very good at letting our kids practice being frustrated).

When she was younger, Gigi received attention from strangers for her massive amounts of hair, and Orion receives attention for being a "handsome boy".  We think he's pretty cute, but I have to watch what I say because he's basically my mini-me.  Me, but the little, attractive, boy version.

With all of the wide variety of toys that are around our house, Orion is most drawn to the trains, balls, wooden tool set, legos, wooden knife and fruits cutting set, and of course, any stray balloons.  He has a mean arm with a ball, and he is just starting to get the hang of putting trains on the tracks and pushing them around.  We let him select whatever he wants to play with, and he seems to be wired to "typical boy" things.  He is still skinny and active as ever.  I am not by nature a very laid back person, but I've noticed that I am far less jumpy about his clambering and crazy dancing, and stair climbing and movement than other people who don't know him very well.  I am sensitive to other people's discomfort when they watch him do things that are a little crazy for a 16 month old, but he seems to be aware of edges and dangers and he appears to know how to manage his body for the most part.  He doesn't put things in his mouth, and we know the areas where we can trust him and where we can't, so we manage accordingly.  

Orion has just recently shown interest in talking again (there was a brief spurt before he turned a year that lasted for about a week and then fizzled out) and we are getting into some fun communication.  He signs a few words and says a few words, and he has his head shake and nod down for his "yes" and "no", which is very helpful.  My favorite by far is his attempt at "please", which is a spastic hand motion in front of his body and his little voice saying, "Eeeeeee".  He also signs "thank you" and is great at cleaning up, so look, we already aced parenting!  Ha.  He has also started trying to beatbox, and sing (specifically, the song "Let it Go" from the movie Frozen).  Both of those attempts are not very successful, but they are so endearing.  As if we needed any other reasons to be in love with Orion.

As far as personality goes, in public he is really friendly and likes to wave at strangers.  He is still pretty happy most of the time, but as I was recently perusing a take home pamphlet from the pediatrician, I read that 16-month olds "like lots of attention, are self-centered and may be unfriendly".  Whew!  It's not just him.  Orion can be a real stinker sometimes, and he has discovered the effectiveness of pulling Gigi's hair or trying to bop her on the head with lincoln logs, or train tracks.  We are working on that one.  It has been tricky trying to discipline him, because at this age NOTHING really works well to change the behavior of such a little guy.  So much physicality, so little rationality.

And that is a little glimpse at Orion.  I'm forgetting a lot of things, but those are the major highlights of who he is right now.  Love this boy!

Happy Birthday Orion!

It is really hard for us to believe that one year has already flown by!  Today is Orion's first birthday and we are pretty smitten by this independent, happy little boy.  His birth a year ago was also the time that I stopped working to be home full time with the kids, and about the time we started watching old episodes of The West Wing to get us through the first four months of him being a very colicky baby into the wee hours of the morning.  I always wondered how parents of colicky babies kept their sanity, and after living through it and being in the trenches every night, most of that chapter now seems like a very distant memory.  (Although the jury is still out on whether or not we came out of it with our sanity intact!).  Yet when I consider how difficult those first few months were, all I can think about is how much Orion adds to our family.  My terrible memory really comes in handy sometimes.

At a year old, Orion is blossoming in so many ways.  It seems like he has become ten times more sophisticated just in the last week.  He says wow, mama, baba (Papai), olha ("look" in Portuguese), nana (banana), uh-oh and ball.  He walks and runs, and is fast and furious, but also cautious enough for us not to have baby gates at our staircase.  He loves balls, and putting things into containers, and family band practice.  He loves drumming, and making noise, laughing, leaning in for open-mouthed kisses and clicking his tongue.  He waves, and claps, shakes his head no and dances to any music with a beat.  He's social, and a ham, and our little love.

For this birthday boy, I coached myself through being okay with simple even though Gigi's first birthday was a big to-do.  A family dinner of Japanese curry with rice and salad, and fresh berries over vanilla ice cream for dessert.  Then it was time to open presents!  A decorated food storage can with a slot to push milk lids through was a toy from Gigi, a first toothbrush from Marcos and me, rubber balls from Tutu, and a sweet wooden push along tractor set from Auntie Katy.  What a happy boy with all of his new toys!

And that was Orion's welcome into the world of being one year old.  We are so rich because he is in our family.  Gigi has learned so much being his older sister, and we have learned so much being his parents.  Thank you, Orion, for choosing us!

A few days ago we went to a very fun combined birthday party for the son and daughter of my dear work friend Lisa from my days at the UNC School of Social Work.  In a rare act of kindness, both the birthday girl and boy gave Gigi their birthday balloons as we were leaving their party, and Gigi was beside herself with happiness.  

Suddenly, a big gust of wind in the parking lot pulled one of the balloons straight off of its ribbon and the balloon was up and out of sight over the trees.  As it soared higher, Gigi crumpled into a mess of shrieks and rage at the wind, and so much sadness about her lost balloon.  She was inconsolable.  But after a minute she shared the thought that maybe the wind had taken the balloon to a different country where children didn't have balloons, or enough toys to play with, and maybe even to a little girl in India.

She was far happier with that thought than she would have been with the balloon.

I think I love the girl she is becoming.

Preschool Begins!

Last week we traveled to Austin, TX for my Grandpa Jack's memorial service (more photos to come!).  We arrived home from Texas on Saturday evening, and on Sunday was the Primary Sacrament Program that (as the Primary President) I have been praying and sweating over for the last few months.  I can't even tell you how many hours have gone into that one project - so many that when it ended I wasn't even sure if it had gone well or not.  Kind of like recognizing your own family's bad habits - it's just hard to see clearly from the inside out, once you become a thread in the tapestry.  And then in case life wasn't difficult enough, I decided to run our primary teacher training in two sessions immediately after the primary program.  It was a long, very full, and gratifying day.

Which is why I was super grateful that my mom friends in our Preschool Coop were fine with waiting until this week to kick off preschool.  Here's Gigi, ready for her first day of school, which was Tuesday.  Can I tell you how excited I am about starting this up again?  It worked really well last year to have us rotate homes and take turns hostessing preschool one day a week, and this year we're upping the ante to two mornings a week for two hours.  It requires a bit more preparation on our part (the price we pay to keep things free) but it will be so worth it.  

Last year Gigi was the youngest in the group at two and a half, and she had the hardest time sitting in her space for even a brief circle time.  It was torture (and not just for her).  Now, a year later, she just sat through her Tutu reading aloud her first chapter book and she has learned how to settle her body through circle time, easy peasy.  It's amazing what one year can do...  On top of that, last year our kids were at the level of A is for Apple, but this week my friend Kim did A is for Attribute, and taught about the 5 senses.  Can you see where I'm going with this?  Engaging with a few kids who are eager to learn, who can settle their bodies and grasp more complex concepts is fun!  

So that's our news for the week.  Gigi will also start back in with Kindermusik again on Saturday, which is the icing on the cake.  I love fall, and I love jumping back into a weekly rhythm and schedule.  We have learned the hard way that being frenetically busy does not do our family any favors, but having a few meaningful things on the agenda for the week helps us to move about engaged in life, like the hum of a bee.

And finally, a few of Gigi's hilarious creations.  With the fashion she adds to her characters, it looks like they could start a parade!