Sunday, January 4, 2009

Hanging dirty laundry...

Marcos and I had a healthy bit of contention today. Admittedly, I've never been one to care all that much about putting up a front that our marriage is perfect and that we never argue, but this time I'm going to unashamedly tell you about a fight we had. Clip, clip, clip... that's the sound of me hanging out our dirty laundry for you to see.

It all started when Marcos ran into a high-school friend working in a hotel lobby (whom he hasn't seen nor communicated with for nearly a decade), and gave her our blog address, which I had previously asked him not to do without consulting me. His view: it's a way to keep up the connection, without being as personal as giving a phone number or an email address. My view: somebody I don't know is reading about our day to day, and as the main contributor to this blog (read: only contributor), I like to at least pretend that I have some say as to who is privy to our life story! My view of my view: oh how prudent and wise! His view of my view: here's another "control" issue...

Somewhere amidst the raised voices it occurred to me that I had learned from Randy Bott in my mission preparation class at BYU how to have a decent disagreement and find a solution. So when the emotions blew over, we used some Bott-strategizing and started to think up solutions and each of their pros and cons until we came up with something that we both liked. This was our answer: for people we both know, we will pow-wow to make sure that we both feel good about giving out our blog address, and for people only one of us knows, we will individually exercise great prudence before we hand out the address. With an intentionally non-private blog it is unreasonable to think that we will ever have full control over who reads this blog (and indeed, I leave it public in order to be inclusive of friends and family), but with some judgment we can still feel good about publishing personal things... for example, when we get into fights.

This experience has made me wonder if anyone else has had this or a similar conversation with their spouse or partner. Do tell.

P.S. If you are the hotel lobby friend and are reading this entry, please don't feel bad. It was really just a matter of time. The only difference now is that we actually have a solution, so thank you!

No comments: