School Girl

In Prieto news, we've been in the process of seeing if Gigi (who just turned 4) will be able to start at the local Waldorf School this fall.  This week we went to a reception for new parents at the school and although I'm very solidly NOT a weepy person, being there touched on something deep and I found myself brimming with tears at the 7th grade quartet playing gorgeous music in the background, the students who were there serving as ushers, the art on the walls, the depth, kindness and insight of the other parents at the school.  As a child I probably took a lot of my growing up in a Waldorf School for granted, but now as a parent I feel so awed to think that perhaps I will be able to provide THIS for my own child.  THIS music, THIS art, THIS community, education and worldview.

And then today it was confirmed that we can't afford to send her next year.  We were so, so disappointed.  We wrote an email to the administrator thanking him for his help and told him that we would try to enroll Gigi again next year.

And then we received an email back from him, not an hour later.  It said that the Financial Aid committee members just happened to be there when he received our email and they would be happy to accept what we had put forward as our doable amount this year.  Marcos read the email out loud and we all yelped and hollered, and it scared Gigi and she cried!

So we are full of excitement, and so much gratitude.  With two years of coop preschool that we have loved so much, I feel like I have given Gigi what I can, and it's time for her to be in a school setting.  Financially this will be a real stretch for us, but I have been so touched that although Marcos has never spent a day as a Waldorf student, he is so fully on board with this idea of providing a Waldorf education to our children, at the expense of other things that are also important to us.

There is a lot of gratitude in our home tonight.

Raising our Kids - File Number One

The post is the first of a series of posts I am writing about parenting - specifically, what Marcos and I do with our kids.  I am very self-conscious about putting this out into the world - not because I feel shy about our techniques, but because it could easily be seen as a bit of self-glorification and that is not the spirit in which it was written.  We simply received the question one day of "what do you do with your kids", which got us thinking "hmm, what DO we do with our kids?", which turned into a bullet list we brainstormed during a road trip, which turned into feelings of complete overwhelm as I realized how long the bullet list was, and then it turned into this.  I thought to flesh out our bullet list in a private letter to the asker of this question, and then figured that since I'm taking time to write, I might as well put it in our blog so that I will always have these thoughts in our family history.

And then, of course, if our kids feel traumatized in later life they can look back and see where we went wrong, and know how to be wiser than we have been.  But so far so good... right?

So, these are a few things we feel are essential parts of our parenting.  Parenting in the style of Metta and Marcos Prieto.  

• Teaching about the world.  Even as far back as high school, I was always impressed with parents who answered their kid's questions thoughtfully and thoroughly.  We have tried to do that for Gigi as she has become a sentient, curious little human being, and I love her hunger for information.  She is constantly asking me why things are the way they are, and how to make things ("mom, how do you make cheese?"), and she asks me to define words she isn't familiar with.  It can be obnoxious at times to hear why, why, why, but I try to remind myself that her curiosity is what will give her the information she needs in order to one day RULE THE WORLD.  Or whatever path she chooses to pursue, of course...  I also recently came across an article that has helped me to differentiate my approach: in the past, whenever Gigi asked questions to which I did not know the answer, my response was, "let's go look it up online".  I wanted to provide her with an immediate, solid answer.  However, in my recent readings I was reminded that not all questions need a concrete response, and that encouraging a child to use their imagination to come to different possible answers to their questions can be very beneficial.  We want our children to become problem-solving, innovative, creative adults, so letting them spend time in their imaginary world is sometimes a good alternative to rushing to the internet.
• Using complex vocabulary.  I figure the best way for our kids to have a good handle on our native tongue is to hear a wide range of words used in context as they are growing up, and so we have not made our language overly child-friendly through the years that our children are learning to speak and communicate.  There are probably occasional miscommunications, and often Gigi asks us to define words she does not understand, but the result is that she has a good vocabulary and some ideas about interesting concepts.
• Media. Marcos grew up in a world of TV and video games, and I grew up in a world with limited access to media, and we're constantly navigating a middle ground for our own kiddos, especially Gigi who is at a perfect age to be enamored with characters and movies.  My general approach to TV and movies is that most of what we would expose our kids to is not inherently terrible, but a lot of it comes down to opportunity cost: what am I NOT exposing my kids to, because they are watching a show, or are on a tablet? If my kids are engaging with media, they are NOT outside exploring nature or running around, they are not looking at books, doing crafts or coloring, building with toys, nor using their imagination to create. That is not to say that we don't ever do shows, but in general I am guarded about the type of shows Gigi watches, and how much time she spends staring at a screen. 
• Reading Books. We have entered into a phase where going to the library is really difficult, and not very fun, because Orion wants to run around and pull books off of the shelves.  However, we try to go once every week or two so that we have a large supply of new books to read with the kiddos.  It is just worth it, to see Gigi hungrily flipping through the pages of each book when we get home, and choose her favorites every night at bed time. There is a lot of terrible children's literature out there, and I feel like half of my time at the library is spent weeding out the junk, but it's worth the hassle: literacy is crucial, and sometimes a good thoughtful storyline can impart a message much better than I can with my lectures.
• Coaching through Social Interactions.  It can be incredibly tiring to intervene and coach our kids through social interactions, but being able to release them into the world with kindness, assertion, gratitude, honesty and friendliness is well worth it in the end.  When I hear Gigi independently thank her friends for coming to play, or ask politely for people to take off their shoes when they come over to visit, or navigate through a tough social situation, or dictate to me the message of thanks she wants me to write down in a card for a friend's gift, my heart is so warmed.  We still have a lot of work to do, but Gigi is becoming old enough that our "politeness prompts" are fading out, and her own social voice is becoming stronger.  Recently, I noticed that when we were at a playdate Gigi often took a back seat to her friend's directives about what they were going to do together, what role Gigi was going to play, etc.  So in a quiet moment with her the next day I mentioned my observations, and Gigi expressed that she wasn't sure what to do or say, but that she DID want a turn to choose the activity when she played with this friend.  Together Gigi and I came up with a number of things Gigi could say to assert herself, we practiced them that day, and we practiced them again as we drove to this friend's home the following week.  During their play time I listened in, and heard her repeat the words she had carefully rehearsed.  She was awesome, and I was so proud!  She and her friend still struggle sometimes for control of their shared time, but I am so happy that Gigi is learning to be assertive and negotiate tricky social situations.  I know that there is an argument for backing off entirely and letting kids figure out the world on their own, but our style is more of a coached-socialization model, for at least these first few years, to plant our kid's feet on a solid foundation from which they can blossom into whom they will.  

(Not So) Subliminal Messages

Lately, Gigi has taken to illustrating her feelings when she feels hurt or angry at me.  Today she got into trouble and I put her in time out for four minutes, and when her time was up we talked about her behavior and she stalked off.  When she returned, she handed me this drawing.

This is me (on the right), sticking my tongue out at Gigi (on the left), who is crying.  Above is a heart, crossed out, and "xox" which is also crossed out.  NO LOVE.

I kind of like her way of communicating, but sheesh, four years old can feel really melodramatic sometimes...

Four Times Round the Sun

Yesterday Gigi made her fourth rotation around the sun - Happy fourth Birthday sweet daughter!

My whole heart is so full - fit to burst - when I think about how lucky we are that we have Gigi as our daughter.  She is so loving, clever, sneaky, gentle with younger kids, expressive, affectionate, doting, articulate, curious, assertive, judicious, lively and beautiful.  It is a joy to watch her grow up.

In the morning we started with a surprise of a donut tower for breakfast!  Four donuts, which equalled four mistakes.  Gigi only ate a half of one donut, and by the time I had finished mine, just the thought of the brownies I had made for a special birthday preschool treat that would come two hours later, free ice cream at the farm later that day, and cake and ice cream at dinner that night was enough to make my stomach hurt.  Am I getting old?  I can't consume as much sugar as I used to be able to.  Next year we will start a day of birthday celebrations with a bowl of Grape Nuts or something like that as a buffer!

At preschool my friend Guenieve made Gigi a birthday crown and the kiddos had my homemade brownies for a special birthday treat.  After a picnic lunch out on our front lawn in the sun, my mom and I took the kids to Farm Animal Days in Raleigh, hosted by the NC State University agricultural department.  It's a free family event to give kids exposure to all of the baby animals that are born on the farm in the spring and it was really fun.  We went last year, and now Orion was able to enjoy it too.  His 17-month old brain categorized every single animal as a dog, but... you know, he will sort it out.

Our friends the Liengs joined us at the Farm, and Gigi's little friend Boy Boy worked through some inner hesitations about holding her hand.  And the tractors!

Orion was a happy farm boy, wandering around, climbing up whatever he could.  We worked on stroking the animals with soft hands.  He thought the chicks were quite something.

The best thing about Farm Animal Days is that it is really hands on.  There are many University students there as volunteers, helping the kids to hold chicks, or pet the baby goats and sheep.  

And their dairy cows make a delicious ice cream.  Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry were distributed in little cups and devoured.

So glad that my mom got to come with us!  Gigi loves having her Tutu be such a regular part of our lives.  Me too.  It's amazing what can get done with another set of hands on deck.

And some classic shots of Boy Boy and Gigi in the tractor tire on the way out...

That evening, after a spaghetti dinner (per Gigi's request), we invited some friends over to help us eat our enormous cake, and had a spontaneous cake party back out in the front yard.  I super love this photo of Marcos and Gigi.  

After cake, the kids ran off to draw with sidewalk chalk and play ball in the cul-de-sac.  It was a fine day to turn four.  Happy Birthday sweet Giovanna!

  

Preschool

We are coming up on the final few weeks of coop preschool and my heart is already starting to mourn its end.  This has been our second year doing coop preschool with our friends, and it has been such an awesome thing for us in this chapter of our lives.  Every four weeks I get to hang out with Gigi and her buddies Ezra, Tyler and Lily on a Tuesday and a Thursday morning, and through teaching them and watching them play and interact, I have seen the kiddos grow so much this year.  They are more emotionally level, their bodies are settling, and they engage in our lessons with curiosity and eagerness to learn.  

On St. Patrick's Day we had a party, which is our tradition for pretty much every holiday that passes.  I was hosting preschool that week, so we partied at our house, and it was one of my favorite preschool days this year.  Each time we do a party all of us moms prepare something special and stay at the party to lead our part so that the entertainment doesn't all fall to one person.  During circle time I taught the kids about the history of St. Patrick's Day, traditions in Ireland, and the symbolism of the shamrock, and we read a few stories I found at the library.  Then the kids followed clues around our house on a treasure hunt which was planted by "Lucky the Leprechaun" (me), and there was a pot of gold (Rolos) at the end of the rainbow.  Then for fun I did a science experiment: the baking powder and vinegar volcano experiment, with green lava instead of red.  It was momentous.  Then for snacks I pulled out a lot of healthy foods, and Ezra's mom Guenieve had made the most beautiful shamrock cookies iced to perfection with green royal icing.  After snack, Lily's dad Nathan brought out the craft supplies and the kids designed a shamrock by gluing little balls of crumpled crepe paper onto their cut outs.  And finally, Tyler's mom Kim took us into the living room and showed us a clip of Riverdance and we all got sweaty trying our hand at hopping and kicking like Irish dancers.

And now it is time to plan for next fall, and I'm not sure what direction we will go in, with Gigi and her schooling.  We always told ourselves that the year before Kindergarten would be the year we bite the bullet and pay to have Gigi go to a "real" preschool and get used to having a real teacher, the routine of a school day and the benefits of a whole room full of socialization, but now that option is not as clear as we would have hoped.  The primary hang up (and blessing) is that with Marcos having found a job that does not require us to move away from this area, we have access to the Emerson Waldorf School which is a mere 15 minutes away.  Having grown up in the Honolulu Waldorf School and loved every second of being there, I have always hoped to provide that kind of education to my own children.  We would LOVE for Gigi to start at the Emerson Waldorf School next year, but she is currently on the waiting list, and even if she gets in, we think it might be prudent to find a good alternative and save up for a year before jumping in to a private school tuition.  So, we have a big decision to make!

But whichever way the tides take us in that decision, we will definitely miss our coop preschool.  It is definitely a highlight of my week to drop Gigi off at a friends house, knowing that she will have a fun time, learn a few things, try out new skills and play with her friends.  We have really lucked out to have this small group of dedicated moms in our lives, and we hold them dear for the love they have given our daughter!

The Next Step: In Which we Decide our Future

Well folks, we did it.  After weeks and months of back and forth with various companies and navigating three formal job offers, Marcos and I made the decision to stay here in the North Carolina Triangle area, and he accepted a job with Fidelity Investments!  He will start his training in mid-July in the area of Quality Assurance, and he will work through training with a cohort of new employees all entering at the same time.  As a large, and very stable company, Fidelity works like a machine.  There are parts of the machine that will be really great, and parts that we will have to put up with, but overall, this was the best decision for our family at this juncture of our lives.  Thank you to all of you who have been patient listeners and good advice givers as we have been working through this process!

There are a few lessons that we've learned along the way that have been so valuable.  I'm going to jot them down so that I don't forget the gems of this experience.

First of all, we have learned that we can be a really good team when the stakes are high.  One day last week my mom hung out with the kids while Marcos and I went to the local public library and shut ourselves in a glass study cubicle for two hours, to have a major brainstorm and communication session, and send out some really important correspondence.  At the end of those two hours, and through this whole process, we have felt really united as we have come together in an effort to choose the best future for our family.

Another thing we had to remember was that choosing the best out of many good options is really hard work!  At the expense of sounding like I am complaining about a blessing, I will say that having multiple job offers on the table was emotionally taxing.  For years we have hoped and prayed that when Marcos finished up schooling he would be sought out by multiple companies, but I don't think we knew how stressful it would be to move through this process.  Whew, first world problems!  But seriously, even after the spreadsheet was drawn up, and the list of pros and cons for each option were measured, we felt like there was no package that was obviously the best match for us, across the board.  If we could have morphed together the work satisfaction and camaraderie that the job at the coastal non-profit offered, plus the leadership experience and salary of the job at Infusion, plus the stability and benefits and long term pay off of Fidelity, it would have been super easy to reach our decision.  But alas.

Another thing we learned was that a job offer is so much more than just the starting salary.  At the end of the day, we had whittled our options down to two offers, and the starting salaries between the positions were $15,000 apart.  Now, in our book, that is a gigantic sum of money.  But you know what?  We chose the job with the lower starting salary.  And the reason was this: when we poured over the health premiums and benefits, took into account the generous 401-K plan at Fidelity, and their profit sharing perk, and did the math at the end, our present looked slightly better at Infusion because we had more dollars in our hand at the end of the month, but our future looked much better with Fidelity.  Ultimately, the money bonus with Infusion at the end of the month was not enough to outweigh the final difference: Fidelity pays time and a half for hours worked overtime, and Infusion told Marcos frankly that if he expected to work 40 hours a week, that would not always be possible.  That piece of information alone sent us a pretty clear message about how life would be for our family in each of the jobs.  After years of him having to do homework in the evenings as a student, we're all ready for Marcos to be fully available after 5pm, and Fidelity will make that happen.  We're pretty sure that if Marcos were a single guy with only himself to think about, Infusion would have been the right decision, but for us right now, we're all about Fidelity.

And finally, we learned that peace comes from making the right decision.  Even as close as the day before we had to make our decision, we had decided to move forward with Infusion - the exciting, new job that promised good pay and some immediate leadership opportunities - and we prayed that night for a confirmation that we were on the right track.  But Marcos woke up anxious in the morning, wanting to comb through every benefit document to make sure that we weren't missing any vital information, and feeling generally stressed out.  It wasn't until we both said, "Let's go with Fidelity" that we stopped fretting and the huge breath we were both holding in whooshed out and our bodies and minds were at peace.  Marcos has talked with both companies, and our peace still holds.

And that's where we stand!  Marcos' training will start in mid July, so after a mid-May graduation from UNC we have a few months of time before the next chapter.  Our want is to enjoy the time off and travel to some exotic destination, and our need is to work and pay our bills through those months.  Hopefully our reality will be some of each!

Family Home Evening last month.  A lesson about the parts of a computer.

Lovely Son

Here is our little son, Orion.  At about 16 months he is starting to really come into his own personality, and we are (mostly) enjoying watching him blossom as a little boy instead of a baby.  With his increasing ability to communicate his needs and wishes has come a strong sense of preference, and with it, much satisfaction and of course, much frustration (we are very good at letting our kids practice being frustrated).

When she was younger, Gigi received attention from strangers for her massive amounts of hair, and Orion receives attention for being a "handsome boy".  We think he's pretty cute, but I have to watch what I say because he's basically my mini-me.  Me, but the little, attractive, boy version.

With all of the wide variety of toys that are around our house, Orion is most drawn to the trains, balls, wooden tool set, legos, wooden knife and fruits cutting set, and of course, any stray balloons.  He has a mean arm with a ball, and he is just starting to get the hang of putting trains on the tracks and pushing them around.  We let him select whatever he wants to play with, and he seems to be wired to "typical boy" things.  He is still skinny and active as ever.  I am not by nature a very laid back person, but I've noticed that I am far less jumpy about his clambering and crazy dancing, and stair climbing and movement than other people who don't know him very well.  I am sensitive to other people's discomfort when they watch him do things that are a little crazy for a 16 month old, but he seems to be aware of edges and dangers and he appears to know how to manage his body for the most part.  He doesn't put things in his mouth, and we know the areas where we can trust him and where we can't, so we manage accordingly.  

Orion has just recently shown interest in talking again (there was a brief spurt before he turned a year that lasted for about a week and then fizzled out) and we are getting into some fun communication.  He signs a few words and says a few words, and he has his head shake and nod down for his "yes" and "no", which is very helpful.  My favorite by far is his attempt at "please", which is a spastic hand motion in front of his body and his little voice saying, "Eeeeeee".  He also signs "thank you" and is great at cleaning up, so look, we already aced parenting!  Ha.  He has also started trying to beatbox, and sing (specifically, the song "Let it Go" from the movie Frozen).  Both of those attempts are not very successful, but they are so endearing.  As if we needed any other reasons to be in love with Orion.

As far as personality goes, in public he is really friendly and likes to wave at strangers.  He is still pretty happy most of the time, but as I was recently perusing a take home pamphlet from the pediatrician, I read that 16-month olds "like lots of attention, are self-centered and may be unfriendly".  Whew!  It's not just him.  Orion can be a real stinker sometimes, and he has discovered the effectiveness of pulling Gigi's hair or trying to bop her on the head with lincoln logs, or train tracks.  We are working on that one.  It has been tricky trying to discipline him, because at this age NOTHING really works well to change the behavior of such a little guy.  So much physicality, so little rationality.

And that is a little glimpse at Orion.  I'm forgetting a lot of things, but those are the major highlights of who he is right now.  Love this boy!

Lovely Daughter

I am in a stay at home chapter of life right now and I have decided that for my family and me, being with these littles and raising them myself is the most important thing I could be doing in the entire world.  So, seeing them grow into happy, curious, kind creatures is what my success is all about.  I must post about Giovanna every month, but for me it just doesn't get old.  Have I told you that I have a super daughter?    

Zorra the Princess Superhero, here to save the day!

What is going on in Gigi's world these days?  Well, Gigi loves big words.  She frequently inserts words like fascinating, fantastic, apparently, necessarily, and reaction into her sentences, usually in the proper context.  When she had the chance to play with some older friends and cousins over the holidays, the following days were filled with sing-song monologues - long strings of big words and big girl talk.  None of it made any sense, but we loved hearing her practice being a big girl.

And I am not sure if I have written before about Gigi's interest in music.  We keep a basket of instruments at kid level for spontaneous family jam sessions and I have always considered Marcos and I to be music fiends, and this little apple is not falling far from the tree.  While I was preparing dinner yesterday, we listened to our new Pandora station that mainly pulls a cappella songs.  In the short time we were hanging out in the kitchen, Gigi kept identifying the original artists of the songs saying, "Isn't this a Journey song?" then a Madonna song, then Katy Perry (what does this say about us?).  When we were tired of listening to a cappella we changed the station to our Raffi kid's station and Raffi sang "What a Wonderful World".  I asked Gigi if she remembered who else sang that same song and she said thoughtfully, "Iz... and Louis Armstrong".  Nice.  Gigi's most recent musical interest is beat boxing.  Our youtube search bar is familiar with our frequent "How to beat box" query, and Gigi is often practicing her beat boxing at home and on the road.  Being her mom is pretty fun.

Especially when she calls me out on my disorder of priorities, like she did the other day.

Gigi: "Mom, do you clean up the house more?  Or play with kids?

She wasn't even pulling a guilt trip because she doesn't understand guilt yet.  She was just genuinely curious and trying to figure out the hierarchy of my attention.  Needless to say, I have been trying to truly tune out the ten other projects I always have in my mind, and give her my undivided attention every day for a good piece of time.

Here are a few other recent conversations:

After Marcos accidentally gives her too much maple syrup.
Gigi: Wow, did you give me lots of maple syrup because you love me?
Marcos: Yes.
Gigi: Never. Stop. Loving me.  You can never stop loving me!

****

At the kitchen table doing art together.
Gigi: I'm drawing me, as a bride, with a bouquet.
Metta: Oh, wonderful.  And who are you going to marry?
Gigi: Well, this drawing is just me.
Metta: Okay.  You are very young now, so you can choose later who you want to marry.
Gigi: Actually, I am going to overmarry Papai.
Metta: Good plan.  What does "overmarry" mean?
Gigi: Well, I'll still live with you both, but I will marry Papai over again.