For a few days, maybe weeks, this unsettled feeling has been building in my body and mind. It's a sort of unhappiness at the craziness of our lives, and a resentment towards projects and events on my plate that I want to be enjoying. We've been maintaining our lives, our kids, our house, our relationship, but every night when we fall into bed I feel like the basics were covered but absolutely nothing else was accomplished. I know that I am not special, and that this is the song of most parents of small children, but for whatever reason I balk at the thought that this is how things need to be.
I think that my biggest beef with life is that my favorite season has been marching on without me. Leaves are turning yellow and red, and falling to the ground, the days are getting shorter and cooler, and my favorite holidays are approaching despite my inability to really engage with the changing of the world around me.
Which is why I needed Today. The day we decided to do not very much. The day we walked around our yard searching for sticks for a Halloween tree, and read Halloween books from the library. The day Gigi biked for such a long time in the leafy winds, with Orion running behind.
The day Orion fell in the mud and found the rain puddles, and played in the leaves and then slept. And the day Mama and Gigi connected over hot apple cider and decorated our house for the holiday.
I really needed today.