Holiday simplicity, attempted...

My mom cracks me up. On the phone the other day she said, "Metta, our family is keeping the holidays simple this year..." (which we say every year, by the way... we could probably consider it one of our holiday traditions), and then in the same breath she added, "So I've sent you a few boxes, and they are full of gifts for you to open, one each day for the Twelve Days of Christmas.".


Not only did the numbered gifts arrive, but embedded in the boxes were a few sheets of paper stapled together, with the illustrated story of Jesus' birth separated into messages for each of the twelve days prior to Christmas. Each day we come a little closer to the birth of the baby Jesus in the readings, and each day's reading ends with a suggested activity or service. It has made each night a lot of fun, to have a new present and a message to look forward to! Thanks Mom!

Thinking Green

I have been thinking lately about posting a blog on "going green", but I know the topic can be overwhelming and intimidating, so I am taking a step back and calling it, "thinking green".

It's a bit beyond speculation now, that earth could use a little TLC. With so much recent attention to sustainability, and talk of boosting the economy by creating jobs aimed at putting together an infrastructure for an eco-friendly energy system, here in our home we have been thinking about the little part we play in the whole scheme of loving the earth.

We love the earth, it's true. Many people we know are giving the earth a lot of TLC, and we feel like we are still giving just a little. However, we're getting better. We are still at the basics, but if you have been thinking about going green, this might give you a few ideas of where to start.

• USING REUSABLE GROCERY BAGS has helped us use less paper/plastic at the grocery store, and we use them for everything now. I actually have started eying them as purses... and how could you not when they make them this pretty!
  

Envirosax are very cool (this is the one I have!)

• RECYCLING is about the most basic form of earth TLC, and we are investigating what it would take in our area to go beyond the usual routine of cans, glass and paper. In Japan we recycled just about everything, and sometimes I wish that America was just a skinny little island so that we too, out of default, would have to think about what we are throwing out.
• USING GREEN HOUSEHOLD CLEANERS is something that we just started doing recently as we began running out of our more mainstream brand-name cleaners. Seventh Generation products are all very eco-friendly, and luckily for us, they go on sale too!
• EXCHANGING OLD BULBS FOR ENERGY-SAVER BULBS was an easy option; initially they are a bit more costly, but SO much more energy efficient and affordable in the long run. Tip: make sure you find bulbs with a color of light that you like. Some of the energy saver bulbs have an unpleasant blue-ish tinge.

So, that's where we've decided to start. If you have anymore "thinking green" ideas to add to the list, please share!

Next on our list: "a hybrid car..."

A bite out of the Big Apple!

Having a delightful camera is a mixed blessing. Last year, as part of our Thanksgiving road trip up to dad's house, we spent the Saturday after Thanksgiving in New York City. Because our camera was only mediocre, we took a few awesome shots of the city, a whole slew of rather unimpressive ones, and then moved on with life.

However, this year we were a little more tech savvy. For Marcos' brother's wedding in July we researched and bought a camera that we love (Canon PowerShot A720 IS) , and so this year's trip to New York City yielded some rather cool pictures. Not so cool that this blog actually merits 24 photos, but I really couldn't whittle it down any further... so here you go.

Please, get comfortable. You may need a mug of hot apple cider or some cookies to get you through this one!


M&M smooching at Time's Square. The two lines on ground level were people waiting for a Broadway box office to open! The theater district is only one block over...


Last year Central Park with all of its autumnal glory was distinctly more bright and beautiful than this year (an early cold spell caused all of the leaves to drop prematurely), but that didn't put too much of a damper on our stroll through the park.


Yes! The carousel in Central Park! We were planning to go ice-skating, but after looking at the price of nearly $60 for both of us, suddenly the $2 carousel looked really fun.... (stay tuned for a video we made on the carousel... future blog entry).


When we arrived in the city on that Saturday, the weather was rather drab, but by mid-day the sun came out and I fell in love with that grass and the carriages in the background.


One of the by-far most marvelous things about Central Park is that it feels like a little haven of slow-movers, families, and happy people strolling, yet looming over the park is the New York City skyline with it's massive greyness and importance and fast pace. I rather love the juxtaposition!


Our favorite together-picture of the day. Notice the miniature ice-skaters in the background...


So, we've moved on past the park now. This picture makes me happy, because I love all of the patterns and textures of the buildings all piled on top of each other. Want to play I Spy? Click on the image to enlarge the picture, and see if you can find a wreath in one of the windows!


Late lunch at YOSHINOYA!!! Marcos and I thought that we had died and passed into a place much better than earth... We ate at this restaurant often when we were serving a mission in Japan, and although apparently there are also restaurants in California, we had no idea that Yoshinoya had migrated to the US. Here I am displaying my lunch of teriyaki chicken, Japanese white rice, and "beni-shouga" (red pickled ginger). When we sat down to eat, we were slightly exhausted, and there could not have been a happier sight than those rice bowls...


After lunch we hopped on the subway to Downtown, and visited Ground Zero. People from all countries were there to pay tribute to those who died on 9/11, and it was an impressive crowd considering the fact that there is little to see besides a large construction site. Here's Marcos. (I could tell he was having a hard time deciding whether or not it was appropriate to smile at such a place...).


Kimmy Allred, who was one of my mission companions in Tokyo! She's currently at NYU pursuing her Masters in Social Work, and she met us downtown for a very nice tour of the South end of the island. She took us to Wall Street...


...the New York Stock Exchange building...


...and the Staten Island Ferry. What a thrill to see the NYC skyline at dusk from the ferry! We were amazed that any of these pictures came out clear enough to enjoy, because of the movement of the boat.


Interestingly, in Tokyo, on two separate occassions in two completely separate towns, I was told by Japanese adults that I look like the Statue of Liberty. I am still not sure if that is a compliment or not, considering that I have no idea what she looks like. I assume that if I were walking down the street and passed her, the green tinge, robe and torch would be a dead give-away, but our education sadly lacks images of the face of the symbol of freedom.


Kimmy lives in Little Italy on the main drag above Bella Ristorante. Just to demonstrate how far $900 rent goes in NYC, she had us come up to her apartment and check out its size. She pays a fairly good price by New York City standards, to share a miniature apartment with a somewhat slanting floor and her own teeny room, and no living room or hang-out space besides the kitchen. It definitely passes the definition of "cute", but she says it gets old having so little space to move and breathe. Hmmm... I wonder how long we would last in a place like New York City.


There, you've made it to the end of the entry! As a celebration, I've included this picture of the Hello Kitty toaster in Kimmy's apartment (yes Belle, we took this picture for you!). Not only does it toast bread, but it also stamps Hello Kitty into the side of your slice. What more could one want out of a kitchen appliance?

Sewing room, eating room, Jesus' room?

Tonight was the broadcast of the annual Christmas devotional, when each year God's prophet and other leaders in our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) share stories, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings Christmas music, and we are reminded of the meaning of Christmas. It is one of my favorite early-December traditions, and it is always an inspiring way to start off the Christmas season.

President Monson, who is the leader of the church and whom we also regard as a prophet of God, retold the story of Christmas as found in Luke 2: Mary and Joseph came to the inn, requested lodging and were turned away by the inn keeper because there was no more room. President Monson contined by saying that modern day homes have many rooms: living rooms, eating rooms, playing rooms and even sewing rooms, but do we make room for the baby born in Bethlehem who would become the Savior of the world?

I was reminded of the babe whose birth we celebrate at this time of the year, and how "making room" means in our lives to follow the example of Jesus Christ, and seek to become more generous, wise, kind and loving. It has been a reminder for us that even though we do not have a lot of material possessions, there are ways we can serve and bless other people's lives in the same way that Jesus Christ did 2000 years ago.

"To Praise or Not to Praise"

Last year I attended a workshop with the above title, and since the topic was centered on child rearing, I was sure that the answer was a) to praise. However, I was in for a surprise.

And now you are too. My fabulous mother-in-law has been asking me to write about interacting with children, as my free job as an intern is to provide Parent Child Interaction Therapy to families in Durham, NC. Although this is not only as bad as the blind leading the blind, but worse, because I feel like the blind leading the fully-seeing, I hope that you mothers out there will bear with me (a mere future-mother) as I share a little about what I've learned working as a Parent Child Interaction Therapist. Today's entry will be about praise, and it is a combination of what I learned in the workshop and what I've learned from my internship. My hope is to sporadically write future entries on the topics of "actively ignoring", "behavior descriptions" and whatever else comes to mind!

Now back to praise. When I showed up at the workshop a year ago, I had my first dose of learning about "specific" or "labeled" praise, and it has since become one of my favorite topics. From the lady who presented at the workshop, I learned the crucial difference between the comments "Great job!" and "Wow, I love to see you help me clean up". In the first scenario, the child feels good but doesn't necessarily know what behavior they need to repeat in order to get the same feedback in the future, whereas in the second sentence, the child is clear about what you appreciate and what they must do to have your positive attention. Plus, giving specific praise to children is a simple way to teach them what you value: for example, think of what types of praise you can come up with around the verbs "sharing", "helping", or "working so hard". You can send simple messages about family values without even launching into a lecture or spiel.

This next piece of "praise" advice is one level deeper and a bit more sophisticated, but I trust that you readers will grasp it quickly. Once you have figured out "labeled praise", the next challenge is to label behaviors rather than innate characteristics. Listen to the difference between "you're so great" and "I am so impressed when I see you taking responsibility for your pets". May I use a study to illustrate my point?

In a study on children and the effects of praise (and this parentheses is where the reference goes, but as you can see I'm an embarrassment to grad schools everywhere and I don't have a reference!), the investigators gave two groups of kids a fairly easy puzzle, and at the successful completion of the puzzle they told one group, "Wow, you are so smart!", and the other group they told "Wow, you worked so hard!". Well, when the two groups received the next puzzle, a more challenging one, guess which group did significantly better? A: The group that was given the feedback that they were hard workers, because when the going got tough, the message they still had ringing in their ears was that hard work is what had made them successful the first time. No matter how intrinsically smart our kids are, there will always be things that will challenge them in life. You would be surprised at how quickly child prodigies give up on tasks that they are not good at, because when you have had the running commentary your entire existence that you are a genius, it makes doing hard things simply not worth the effort.

Self-esteem in children is the combination of praise from parents and positive regard from others as well as the actual ability to accomplish and create. So, allow your children the challenge of learning and growing by praising the process, as well as the product.

As a friend and I left the workshop on praise, she shared a story with me. As a high schooler she was an accomplished artist, and people told her frequently how talented she was. When she arrived at college and saw how average her art was in comparison to the other students, she decided that she wasn't so talented after all, and left her passion to pursue something else. It just makes me think: what if the feedback she received from others had centered on her diligence or patience with the process, rather than on her talent?

So, to summarize - and thanks for holding out with this long entry - praise is naturally a very powerful way of creating a relationship with a child. Praise is most useful if it is specific and lets the child know precisely what they must do to earn your admiration in the future. For those of you up for the double challenge, think about praising things that children have control over, rather than innate characteristics.

The joys of an Aging Man

Recently we received a Christmas card with a snippet about the life of an Aging Man. This man is in his upper 80s, and we'll call him "Bob" to protect his privacy. The card reads,

Bob is better than ever today - won $120 in last night's poker game. Amazing since he came out, the other day, wearing 2 shirts and 2 pairs of pants, and on another day was enjoying munching on the doggie treats offered in the dispenser at the vet's waiting room!

Aging is fascinating! I already have such a bad memory, that I almost hope it will get better as I age, but how selective and how random: being able to play poker and keep all of the rules together, but losing the ability to distinguish snacks... I hope that when we become ripe in years, that we will have as many loving and caring people around us as Bob does. We had better treat our children well!

Thanksgiving Day

Lately, we have been "living in the present" in a big way. So much has been happening on a day-to-day basis, that we have scarcely been able to look ahead. So, Thanksgiving sort of snuck up on us this year.

Last Tuesday, after I finished a paper and Marcos got his work in order, we gathered all of the essentials and took the major roadtrip up the East coast from North Carolina to New Jersey where my dad lives. This is the second annual Thanksgiving roadtrip to dad's house, and we're looking to make it permanent as long as we're within driving distance.

Traditions surrounding this holiday include:

FEASTING IN THE GREEN HOUSE

My dad's partner Emili's family comes for Thanksgiving, and so we had Emili's sister and her family, their parents, and my Grandpa Jack and Sandra even came in from Texas. The boys cleaned out the greenhouse in the backyard, Emili's niece Emma and I decorated, and the twinkle lights were still up from last year! Perfect! Being able to look up into the stars as we enjoyed a Thanksgiving feast, with twinkle lights and dried leafy decorations all around us definitely got bonus points in our "romantic places" book...

LOTS OF WOMEN IN THE KITCHEN

Emili's family is Greek, so a lot of female bonding takes place in the kitchen.

FOOD, LOTS OF IT...

FAMILY

Finally! A three-generational picture with my Grandpa Jack, dad and me. The last time we were all together was at my wedding, which wasn't the most low-key of times, so it was nice to be together. My only regret? That I didn't have a device to record Grandpa Jack and Sandra's stories. My grandpa was in the CIA, and Sandra also worked for the state, so they basically know everyone in the world, have been everywhere in the world, and know everything worth knowing. And that's only a slight exaggeration...

FAKE MEAT...

My dad, Emili, her sister and their kids are all vegetarian, so each year Thanksgiving takes on a bit of a different feel than in most homes in America. Last year we had tofurkey (as well as a real turkey), but this year we topped it with turkey, tofurkey and seitan ("wheat meat"). So, not only did we have a meat imposter at the table, but we had an imposter of the imposter...

Ode to Rubber-Necking!

Oh Rubber-Necking,

You schedule wrecking
Tyrant! You Queen of all "late",
'Twas slowed, my way
On return from Holiday
Which took thirteen hours
Instead of eight!